square one

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Sometimes it feels like I'm back at square one. After all the thinking and growing and feeling great, it feels like you're still standing at the bottom of cargo net (yes, like the one in gym class) waiting to climb up.

I feel the loss of control overwhelming me. I always feel like I need to be in control of everything in my life, and it is when I realize there is no way that I can control 'everything' I begin to freak out inside. I become insecure and scared, jealous and distrusting.

It brings out such an ugly side of me. It feels like such an open wound, one that never fully heals.