disbelief

I didn't get much sleep last night. I kept thinking about Pete. How young he was. Too young. I'm still in a state of disbelief. I want to log onto AIM and have him surprise me with an IM.

He's just so alive in my mind. It's the same when I think of my Grandmother. Sometimes I'll wake up from sleeping or day dreaming and feel like I can't breath. It's reality hitting me, and the thought that I'll never see her again. And then I reassure myself that that isn't true at all. Just not for a long time.

For a long time in my life I was numb to a lot of feelings. Maybe this is what it is like to really *feel* reality.