fear

sometimes it's okay to be scared. sometimes I just need to feel it. almost to remind me that 'I'm real."

I have a fear of the future. I don't really think about it. I don't really prepare myself for it. But I really need to start to. Take better care of myself, educate myself. I have the time. I have no more excuses. (well there are always tons of excuses.)

I think part of it is that I don't really believe in myself. I don't think I'm smart or worth anything. This has gone on for years.

It's time for me to put effort into changing this attitude. letting go of this fear. putting the effort into learning new things and being healthy and changing myself for the better.

I have the support systems. I have resources. I just have a bad tendency to wait for life to happen "to" me. I often find myself not choosing the bold choice, and staying with the safe one.

And I find myself wondering what would have happened if I chose differently.

hrm.