Autumn

I love this time of year. The changing leaves, the cooler weather. Change fills me with hope and possibility. I feel the need for change in my life right now.

quiet

Just feeling quiet tonight.... lately... Lots going on in my head, but I don't feel strong enough to share.

Same stuff, just having one of those years... :(

Keep hoping. maybe someday will be good enough. maybe someday the time will be right.

sorry to be cryptic. but I guess it's kind of my style.

not sure anyone reads this much anyway.

fear

sometimes it's okay to be scared. sometimes I just need to feel it. almost to remind me that 'I'm real."

I have a fear of the future. I don't really think about it. I don't really prepare myself for it. But I really need to start to. Take better care of myself, educate myself. I have the time. I have no more excuses. (well there are always tons of excuses.)

I think part of it is that I don't really believe in myself. I don't think I'm smart or worth anything. This has gone on for years.

It's time for me to put effort into changing this attitude. letting go of this fear. putting the effort into learning new things and being healthy and changing myself for the better.

I have the support systems. I have resources. I just have a bad tendency to wait for life to happen "to" me. I often find myself not choosing the bold choice, and staying with the safe one.

And I find myself wondering what would have happened if I chose differently.

hrm.

a V8 moment.

WOW.

I was reading a post on a message board I frequent and I came across this bit of advice.

BE your highest self, regardless of the situations in your life, and the situations will shift. it really doesn't work to expect your life to change before you do. ~abc

I swear it leaped off the page at me. Even though this quote wasn't meant directly for me. It sure hit home. Lots of change is coming soon. Some of what I've asked for, and I'm sure some I will have a hard time adapting to. But it is what I make of it. Mountain, or molehill. my decision.